Loving, Leaving, Loosing, Lost.

Okay, so today is 9/11. A pretty depressing day for most of the world. It makes us, well me especially really value my life. Anyway, nine years ago to the date, four planes were hijacked. And two of those planes, were crashed into the World Trade Center (a.k.a the Twin Towers) And hundreds of people were killed. So I'd like to just say.. Rest in peace all who died and lost their lives. You will never been forgotten!

Moving on to less political things.. I really honestly hate year eleven already. Teachers are already going on about how in less than nine months we will be sitting our GCSE exams. A pretty worrying thought to add onto the mixed feelings of yesterday already.

Yesterday (the 10th of September), was a day and night of mixed feelings. I honestly cannot stand the feeling of missing someone so much it actually hurts inside. Whether it's someone who's past away, or someone you lost because either it was your mistake or theirs. My mistake in my situation. As well as me missing someone I lost because I was foolish, I miss someone who I lost to an illness, and old age. My gramps. I miss both of them so much. But the one difference between these situations and feelings, is the people we loose due to illness and old age, can never be replaced. I also scares us with the thought of never seeing them again. But then, the people you loose to your foolish mistakes or their foolish mistakes, you may still have time to correct those which were once mistakes.

If I'm completely honest, it really does scare me the thought that the foolish mistakes I make, may either cause me to loose someone to illness or pushing them away even further. It's scary to really think that.

I sometimes cuddle myself up into bed, and think about the ways I can take back my mistakes and change the way things happen. But then I realise it's life. We learn from each and every mistake. Whether we learn the easy way or the hard way. But we can never change those mistakes because they make us the people we are.

I suppose one thing I learnt this summer is to always remember, no matter what, that I am the person I am. And if you don't like that, it's not my problem it's yours. I remind myself quickly, one thing someone I hardly know taught me, you can't please everyone. There is always going to be one person who tries to spoil everything for you, whether it's on purpose or on accident.

I suppose this blog is a bit random like usual to be honest. I know I lost someone to an illness nearly a year ago, and I know I lost someone to a foolish mistake nearly a year ago too. But I don't think I could ever face the fact if a loved one was killed by someone trying to make a point to the world. I know life is never going to be easy, but at the worst of times for me, I feel like the world is against me. I cannot imagine how it would feel to loose someone by a point trying to be made.